One of THOSE days!

I had to come here to vent, so that I don't spontaneously combust! I have recently started back to school, I am only a week and a half in. I tell ya, things have changed so much in college in the past few years. Now everything is so internet based, and honestly, so much more complicated. I am pretty computer/internet savvy, but this stuff is just plain ridiculous! What ever happened to turning in real paper, with real handwritten words on it? What happened to teacher print out handouts for the class? This is my first semester, so I am just now getting acustomed to how this whole system at our college works. I have made some boo-boos, and it has costed me a couple of point on a couple of assignments. It just really gets to me, because with the field I am persuing I have to make A's, no if, ands, or buts about it. That is the ONLY option. Otherwise, I may as well pack it up, and go home now.

I want to be an RN, and at the college I attend that is a VERY competitive field. You have to go through SO much to get into the program, because it has limited enrollment. And since the economy has tanked, it is even worse than it was only a couple years ago. It sucks...many people go to college, sign up for their program of study, go to school 2 years, make the grades, and graduate. Well, for me, unless I intend on changing majors, that is not going to happen. At the earliest now, I am looking at (hopeful) acceptance in Fall of 2012. I could have an Associates Degree in SOMETHING by then, if I were to change my major. But, I know deep down what I have always wanted to do...and that is be an OB nurse. Should I cop out because of how long it is going to take? Or should I continue on my journey, knowing that my destination, although not immediate, is attainable in the future? I honestly don't know. I suppose time will tell.

Anyway, in other news, my children started back to school yesterday. I hate the first day of school...lol. They were all nervous, I can't blame them though. I remember when I was just starting high school, I was terrified. And then, they send them home with homework for you....like a million forms to fill out. Sign here, and here, oh and here...and there...oh and right here...lol. But, overall I believe it all went well for them. I will be glad when we all get back into the swing of things. The getting up so early is for the birds, but I guess ya gotta do, what ya gotta do. Unfortunately, since last year the school system here have made matters worse by extending the school day, so that the children have to arrive 15 minutes earlier and stay 15 minutes later than ever before.
Ok, I promise, I finished ranting for now....but only for now. I had to have my blogging therapy for the day. And even if not a soul reads this page, I still somehow feel better just being able to get it out. Till next time <3.

Rough couple of weeks...

Last week my grandmother was put in the hospital following a round of chemo, she had found out only 3 weeks prior that she had pancreatic cancer. I went to visit her on Thursday, that morning she had slipped into a coma. The doctors said that the coma came from her quickly declining kidney function. (Which was caused by the effects of chemo on her kidneys) All the rest of the week/weekend my cousin and I visited her and spent as much time as we possibly could with her. On Monday, (8/9/10) I had to work, and just before I was to get off of work, I received a call saying she had passed. Yesterday was her funeral...

Life...is so unpredictable, short, and sometimes unfair. I wish I could understand why things like this happen...but instead, I have to believe God has his reasons, and that it is just the way things are supposed to be. I remember being a little girl, and thinking that nothing would ever happen to those I love...And now at 32, I have lost 3 grandparents in less than 3 years. I am thankful for the time I did have with them, I know some people aren't so lucky as to have their grandparents for that long, but no matter how long you have with them, you are never ready to let them go. So I live in faith, that one day I will see them again. That's what I hold onto; that's the only thing that makes it bearable.

Papaw R, Papaw M, & Mamaw M I love you, and miss you!

Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride...

Well, I was really hoping to be able to deliver some good news this week....but, that is not the case. Oh well, maybe soon.

On another note, Landon is really taking off now with his walking. The past couple of days he has really "wowed" me with his walking. Maybe when I was younger and had Austin and Gage, I possibly was too immature to really be amazed and/or enjoy the moment like I do now. I wish I could have been a more mature mother back then, but you only learn through experience and time. I was only 17 when I became pregnant with Austin, and only 19 when I had Gage. So I was just a baby myself. How could I have possibly appreciate anything, or even begin to understand the value of life and the time that we have in this short life at such a young age? Through the years I have learned so much, about kids, life, family, and what I really want my life to be. I want to enjoy every minute I have with my husband and kids, because you never know which minute could be your last.

My oldest son, Austin, began driver's ed today... DRIVER'S ED?!?!?!? REALLY?!?!?! Wow, time flies, I feel so old having a child old enough to even begin to think about driving. The thought of it terrifies me, really. I mean, I know he has to grow up, just as we all do....but can we not delay it at least a couple more years? I need a law to suddenly be passed that children have to wait until they are 18 to drive or something. Otherwise, I see many more restless nights, and many more gray hairs in my near future. My mom is always joking with me, she tells me within the next five years she is going to build me a "rubber room." When I say why, she tells me "your going to have one child going off to college, one getting his driver's license, and one starting kindergarten, all at the same time." Wow, what a thought! It's a scary thought, but I wouldn't change a thing.

Often, people ask me "why in the world would you come this far with your 2 boys, and then go and start all over again?" And I say "why not?" At least this way I will not have an empty nest, well at least for a while. I cannot imagine my life without this little detour that Jason and I decided to take. Landon is a blessing, everyday. I find myself savoring the little moments, things that before I admit I took for granted with the boys. I notice when Landon hugs me, or kisses me, waves, or giggles that I stop and really breathe him in. I know from experience that time pauses for no one. Every moment counts. Maybe that is why I was blessed with this journey, maybe that is God's purpose for giving us this beautiful little miracle. It was my turn to learn, I needed to be shown the true meaning of life, and how to appreciate what I am given. I feel so blessed to have my beautiful family. I have a wonderful husband, and three amazing children that continue to fill my life with beauty everyday.

I love you: Jason, Austin, Gage, & Landon