God had other plans...

Sometimes, for some reason, we begin to believe that we are in control of our lives. We begin believing that we are the ones that fully decide our destiny, we think we choose which path we go down. We forget about that higher power that has the master controls in His hands. Or at least I forgot, I remember saying, "I'm not doing this anymore, I'm DONE!" I remember that I had bought a whole baby set that consisted of a car seat/stroller combo, a swing, and a pack & play. I was so excited in the beginning about being pregnant that I took the pack & play out of the box and set it up to see what it looked like (and like an idiot, threw the box away). Then when I had the last miscarriage, I was so angry, hurt, and every other terrible emotion you can name, that I started tearing the pack & play down and throwing it into the spare room. I grabbed the other two boxes and threw them in my car and took them back to the store for a refund. I pretty much went completely off the edge! Well that was in September of 2008 -- it wouldn't be long until I found out God had other plans!


Two months following the vow renewal ceremony, on October 31, 2008, I found out that I was pregnant. I was in shock -- we hadn't even been "trying," whatsoever. A flood of emotions came over me when I heard the news. I didn't want to get excited about it, I didn't want to get my hopes up. Every other time I had gotten my hopes up, they were just crushed in the end. I knew my chances of another miscarriage were high. I was terrified of having to go through another loss, and wasn't sure if I could cope with another miscarriage.

I saw my doctor as soon as possible, and once again he put me on Progesterone and prenatal vitamins. I found out later that my due date would be July 7, 2009. After a few weeks went by I continued seeing my doctor on a regular basis. Due to my situation, they kept a close check on the baby with frequent ultrasounds. I remember seeing the first ultrasound, getting to see that little heart beating was a relief. But at the same time, it didn't completely ease my mind, because with one of the previous pregnancies I also saw the heartbeat on ultrasound. Later at the next scheduled ultrasound I found out that the baby had died. So I crossed my fingers and hoped for the best -- all the while telling myself that a miscarriage was likely.

When I was about 10-11 weeks I began to spot a little. My initial reaction was to panic, I called the doctor's office, and they told me to come in. I had to have another ultrasound. When they checked, they told me that so far the baby was doing OK, and all I could do was wait. They told me if symptoms worsened or I began bleeding heavily to call them back. So I went home and waited for the worst. Eventually the spotting subsided, and thankfully all was back to normal.

Afterwards, all continued to go well. Soon I was 3 months, then at 18 weeks I went in for my gender ultrasound. My husband and mother went with me. We were so excited. My friend Jen the ultrasound tech came in and after just a few short minutes confirmed that we were having a baby boy! (Deep down I wanted a girl, but as long as it is a healthy baby -- I'll take it!) Before I knew it I was 5 months, then 6 months! At 6 months, my friends from work gave me a really nice baby shower. I am so thankful to them and everyone I worked with for their generous gifts. They don't know how much they have helped me! Then at about 8 months, my mother also gave me a family shower. Man, I racked up...lol.

This is Jason & I at my work baby shower.

Soon, I was entering my 9th month. I went on my maternity leave (well, not really a "leave," I think "leave" only applies when you plan on going back...lol) after the 2nd week of June. I actually quit my job, because I decided after all I went through to get to this point, I wanted to be able to spend time with my child. I was a stay at home mom for the first couple of years of my other children's lives and I wanted to do the same for this one. Oh my, what a miserable month I had! I couldn't sleep, I tossed and turned all night, every night. I was huge! I had gained SO much weight. I had never been that big with either of my previous pregnancies. When I say big, I mean BIG!! Just to show you, I mean what I say, here's the proof!





See, I told you! HUGE! Anyway, at my final doctor visit they did a final ultrasound to check my amniotic fluid level. They said the level was a little low but it should be fine until my c-section which was scheduled for Wednesday, July 1, 2009. They did, however, tell me that the baby the was a little on the large side. When they told us he was going to be pretty big, I remember my husband said "Yep, he's gonna weigh 10 - 2..." (meaning 10lbs 2oz). I told him he was crazy and didn't know what he was talking about. So I went home miserable as ever, and awaited the arrival of the big day!