I would of never imagined that the day my son was born would be such an emotional roller coaster for me and my family. Yes, I expected to feel joy, pride, love, and happiness. I expected to be somewhat afraid of having a c-section, and somewhat afraid of having a newborn to care for again. I did not expect to be sad, depressed, worried, and scared for my baby's life. I continued to ask nurses about seeing my son. They kept giving me a "maybe." Finally, after a couple hours of waiting an on-call pediatrician came in and told me that Landon had not made the progress with his breathing that they would have liked him to. He told me that they found it to be in his best interest to send him to Brenners Children's Hospital in Winston, NC (about and hour away). I broke down -- I hadn't even had the opportunity to see him, and now they wanted to send him an hour away from me, while I'm still stuck in the hospital. I wasn't capable of going with him, I had no idea what we were going to do, or how we were going to deal with the situation. The hospital I was already at was an about 45 minutes from home, and the hospital they were sending him to was about an hour away from there. I began crying, all I wanted was to see and hold my baby boy, but no one would let me.
In an hour or so, the children's hospital staff arrived to pick him up and transport him to Winston. They brought him into my room in an incubator type device, all hooked up to oxygen and other monitoring machines. They opened one of the little circles on the side and allowed me to reach in and touch him. I only got to see him for a couple of minutes, and touch his little hands. I couldn't hold him, I couldn't kiss him, I couldn't be the momma I need to be to my baby -- that is all I wanted to do! Soon, I was having to tearfully say my goodbyes, in hopes that I would see him again soon.
Here he is, getting ready to leave for the children's hospital.
And here I am reaching in to touch him -- and this was all I was allowed to do before they transported him to the children's hospital.
I remember these moments like they just happened yesterday. I remember the way I felt, helpless, scared, yet hopeful. I remember wanting to get up and run out of that hospital to follow my baby to the children's hospital. I remember my sweet husband trying his best to reassure me that everything was going to be alright. I remember my wonderful family and the support they provided me while I was going through this whole ordeal. I am blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful people.
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